im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
