I just threw up on my dentist
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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