bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
