oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
