All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
