I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
