I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
