he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
