Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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