I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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