So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
