White coat. Heels.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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