and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
