I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
