I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
