Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
