Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
