Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
