The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
