How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
