As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
