I should be sponsored by Trojan
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
