HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
