I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
