Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize