I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
