i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
