Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
