He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am one with the molecules
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
