I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
