I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I did not marry a roomba.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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