Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this beer tastes like vomit already
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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