first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
