Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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