I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
