She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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