OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
