oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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