My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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