No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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