yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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