Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
