She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
