I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
