This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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