Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
