You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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