I have demons in me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we're making bets on your personal life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
