I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
