they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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