you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
