He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
