i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
