You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
