you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
