The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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