I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
