I heard we made out
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
