fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
