Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
