You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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