We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
