i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
