a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
